“Winning the war of words inside your soul
means learning to defy your inner critic.”
Who doesn’t have an inner battle at least once a day?
Who doesn’t have an internal voice criticising your appearance, your performance, or just pointing out how you could have done ‘it’ better? If you can’t relate to that I’d love to meet you to find out more!
The focus of this month’s two newsletters is first, to understand and then, to learn how to intercept your Inner Critic. Or, the Judge, as described by Shirzad Chamine, author of the New York Times bestselling Positive Intelligence®.
I’m pretty sure that you know what I’m talking about!
And, you may have already heard your own ‘Judge’ criticise something you did - or didn’t do today!
In this issue I’ll focus on understanding the Inner Critic or Judge:
- it’s origins and how we may experience it
- the cost it takes on us
In the following newsletter I’ll share some ways to win the ongoing battle with the Judge and set you a challenge!
All the best!
Questions? Concerns? Curious?
Click here to schedule a call to begin reducing the impact of your Judge!
What are the origins of the Judge?
I’ll let the following three authors do the explaining!
📕1. Paul Gilbert, founder of the wonderfully named Compassionate Mind Foundation speaks of us having a ‘tricky brain’.
He says the inner critic is a feature of our humanity - rather than a flaw in our make-up and that the negative self-talk we all experience is part of our complex or tricky brain. Our capacity to imagine, anticipate and conceive of something outside of ourselves means we may also dwell on negative, regretful thoughts such as “If only I’d …” and “I should have …” Frighteningly- the same fight-or-flight, physiological response is triggered in us as it might be by an external threat.
📗2. Psychologist Robert Firestone says every person is divided:
"part of us is goal-directed and self-possessed, while another part is self-critical, self-denying, and even self-destructive.” This Inner Critic can play a big or a small role in our lives depending on our early life experiences and the self-affirming, self-compassionate ‘work’ we do as adults.
📘3. Shirzad Chamine describes the Judge as the Universal Saboteur residing in our primitive, survival brain saying:
“Each person’s Judge develops its own particular characteristics in response to that individual’s specific needs for survival.” He says the Judge is the cause of much of our anxiety and distress with thoughts related to these three:
- what is wrong with me?
- what is wrong with you?
- what is wrong with my circumstance or this situation?
All in all, this internal critical monologue is doing us harm and needs to be addressed!
What toll does the Judge take?
Oh my goodness - imagine living beside an incredibly cranky neighbour who points out on a daily basis...
- how bad your house and garden look,
- how you’ve put on weight,
- how you're really not a very good parent etc... etc..
Would you patiently listen to him or her and take his/her words as truth??
Of course you wouldn't!
Yet, we accept as truth the litany of criticisms we hear in our own head!
The toll it takes is HUGE! Our Resilience is depleted as we stay on the hamster wheel of negative thinking. Anxiety and fear are directly connected with our negative thinking which comes from that Inner Critic.
Other potential consequences are:
Limited thinking: The more you tell yourself you can't do something, the more you believe it. (Imagine what we might do without those limitations??)
Perfectionism: You start believing ‘it’ has to be perfect, not just good enough and the reality is perfect is always out of reach!
Feelings of depression: Some research has shown that negative self-talk can lead to feelings of depression which can be serious if left unchecked.
Relationship challenges: Constant self-criticism can be annoying for others as it can make you seem needy and insecure.
To Learn More:
How Your Inner Critic Is Holding You Back Click here to watch an interesting video with insights and a tool to manage the Inner Critic - and I’ll be back with more strategies later in the month!
In my next newsletter...
I focus on Intercepting the Judge!!
🖇 Tips and strategies for getting that 'noisy (internal) neighbour’ to stop
🖇 A challenge to give that Judge the heave-ho!!
Here’s a new Programme I’m excited to share with you!
Revive, Renew & Restart 2 -
Ask yourself, is it time to take stock
and create the future you want?
The pandemic has - and for some continues to - taken a toll on us. There have been blessings as well as challenges and, for some people, it has left them questioning future options. We all have been reminded about the fragility of life and hopefully the gifts and blessings too.
In our research, my colleague Niall Heenan and myself, heard that people are wanting to be in ‘community' for a period of time to consider options and plan how to move forward.
In our programme, Revive, Renew & Restart 2
you will have a 6 week opportunity to do just that.
Understanding and addressing your inner critic is part of the programme.
Consider joining us starting 27th September.
Click here to: Learn more about Revive, Renew and Restart 2!
Click here to find helpful resources including podcasts, articles and more!
Connect with me
To learn more, visit my website, Invest in Yourself here:
You can also email me directly here:
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