"If you gave your inner genius as much credence as your inner critic, you would be light years ahead of where you now stand."
I just love this quote! It really does challenge us to think how much more we would achieve if we weren’t always listening to that Inner critic or Judge telling us how terrible or inept we are!!
In my last newsletter, I talked about how, in the distant past, the Inner Critic helped us survive. But in modern life...
The toll it takes is HUGE! Our Resilience is depleted as we stay on the hamster wheel of negative thinking. Anxiety and fear are directly connected with our negative thinking which comes from that Inner Critic.
In this issue, I want to explore the misplaced ‘allegiance’ and trust we seem to place in our Judge - and the connection with the Negative Self Talk we are so familiar with.
We will look at:
- Tips and strategies to quiet that noisy internal critic!
- A challenge to give that Judge the heave-ho!!
All the best!
P.S. Want to talk more about positive self talk and how it might impact your life?
Click here to schedule a Chat to Start!
Let's talk about the Judge
You may be thinking..."Doesn’t my Judge motivate me to do better??"
Or “If I don’t feel bad about mistakes that I make, I won’t learn from them and will probably just repeat them.”
Shirzad Chamine, author of Positive Intelligence® questions the value we seem to place on negative emotions - comparing them to putting our hand on a hot stove.
For a split second the negative sensation warns us of danger. But with a stove we quickly pull away to relieve the pain.
Yet, when it comes to our Judge (and other Saboteurs) we keep our "hand on the stove" and allow them to continually beat us up and replay our disappointments and fears over and over! We don’t seem to have an off switch! Shirzad says that "Disappointment over a setback or mistake is only useful for about 10 seconds until you switch to curiosity about how to learn from it."
A tool from Positive Intelligence® for when you find yourself in a negative feeling or reaction for more than the informative 10 seconds
1. Pause. Ask yourself if you’ve already heard this message and if there is any value in staying in this reaction.
2. Chuckle to your Judge and say, “I’ve got it and I’m on it. Now get out of my way!”
3. Take your hand off the hot stove of life’s challenges. You’ll see how much easier life instantly becomes.
How to deal with the negative thinking the Inner Critic produces
Anyone who recognises the voice of their Judge - a necessary first step to dealing with it - knows that it can sometimes lead to a spiral of negative thoughts. Feelings of self criticism lead to negative self talk which effects our behaviour for the worse.
When you feel yourself swamped by your Judge, here are some suggestions that have been proven to work:
- Ask yourself “Is my thinking logical and rational?”
- Understand that this thinking is in us and not an external reality.
- Ask your friends if your thinking is realistic.
- Have another voice in your head that supports you.
- Constantly ask yourself, “What are the facts? What do I know for sure?”
- Be balanced, include the positive as well as the negative.
- Use writing to release the negative thoughts and to help express emotions.
Dr. Rick Hanson, Ph.D. says:
"It may sound silly, but you could imagine a 'caring committee' inside yourself with different characters who represent various kinds of support and wisdom. My committee includes my wife and kids, a tough-but-kind rock-climbing guide, several close friends, and even some fictional characters, such as Gandalf from The Lord of the Rings, Spock from Star Trek, and the fairy godmother from the story of Sleeping Beauty. Who’s on your own caring committee?"
My challenge to you...
Take Rick’s idea and think about who might be in YOUR caring committee!!
Mine includes my husband and sister, a number of my coaching friends, two fantastic coaches I’ve had in the past year - and my Elder, Wiser Self. I’ll steal Spock too and add in Professor Dumbledore!!
Want to know more about the Judge and the accompanying Saboteurs that get in your way?
Click here to take the free Saboteur Assessment!
Join us in September
Here’s a new Programme I’m excited to share with you!
Revive, Renew & Restart 2 -
Ask yourself, is it time to take stock
and create the future you want?
The pandemic has - and for some continues to take- a toll on us. There have been blessings as well as challenges and, for some people, it has left them questioning future options. We all have been reminded about the fragility of life and hopefully the gifts and blessings too.
In our research, my colleague Niall Heenan and myself, heard that people are wanting to be in ‘community' for a period of time to consider options and plan how to move forward.
In our programme, Revive, Renew & Restart 2
you will have a 6 week opportunity to do just that.
Understanding and addressing your inner critic is part of the programme.
Consider joining us starting 27th September.
Click here to: Learn more about Revive, Renew and Restart 2!
Click here to find helpful resources including podcasts, articles and more!
Connect with me
To learn more, visit my website, Invest in Yourself here:
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